


The Harrowed and the Haunted

by PryingBlackbird



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Arson, Drowning, Gen, Nightmares, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast Friendship, POV Caleb Widogast, POV Nott | Veth Brenatto, Pre-Stream (Critical Role), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PryingBlackbird/pseuds/PryingBlackbird
Summary: A skittish goblin rogue is thrown into prison with a disheveled human wizard. The rest is history…~~~I’m rewatching C2 and feel soft for early Nott and Caleb. So I wrote my version of their first meeting, and the time they spent before they met the rest of the M9. This story takes place before the stream, but I use the knowledge about their backstory I learned through watching all of C2 (right now up to C1E122) so there will be plenty of spoilers about their history.
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	1. To get home now will take something that I'm not sure that I have left, I'm trying, I'm just trying to be brave

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the fic is refers the song “The Harrowed and the Haunted” by The Decemberists, which can be found on the second official Caleb Widogast playlist. The title of this chapter is from the song “Brave” by Riley Pearce, from the first official Nott playlist. 
> 
> I know that I’m not re-inventing the wheel here, but I thought sticking with something familiar is easier for my first attempt at fanfiction. If I’m able to do a decent job I might try to venture into more unknown territory, we will see. 
> 
> You might have noticed me taking some small liberties with the details of their story, but want to stick to the canon as close as I can in the grand scheme of things. Also note that I will write them as being Level 2 from the beginning when it comes to their abilities, especially Caleb’s school of transmutation.

After being on the run for three weeks Veth’s luck finally ran out. It was her own fault, really, for being too reckless, but that’s what desperation does to you. And Veth was desperate. The stolen coin had run out days ago, as well as the food and finally the flask of cheap liquor had run dry and now her hands were constantly shaking. She was anxious, she was afraid and she needed something to take the edge of or she would certainly go insane. 

And so it happened, right after she had grabbed the bottle of cherry wine from the crate, that the loud cries of “Thief! Stop the thief! GUARDS!” followed her over the marketplace as she was running, clutching the bottle to her chest like the most precious thing in the world. This was all that her life was now, running, fleeing, hiding, shaking off everyone and everything that was hunting her. 

Running through the crowd was like running through a forest, the tall folk like a sea of trees all around her. The pavement was uneven and racing on an empty stomach made her head spin. She could still hear the screams behind her, accompanied by the clanking of armor as the crownsguard were closing in on her. She turned around for a brief second, to calculate her chances of outrunning them and that was a mistake. It was too late when she noticed that an eager citizen had put one leg out to trip her, too late to jump. Suddenly she tumbled across the cobblestones, still clutching the bottle to her chest. For a moment the world was a blur of colors and sounds, and then she stopped, her back crashing into something solid. Another crate maybe. 

Miraculously the bottle was still intact and she took a second to marvel at that fact before she scrambled to get back up on her feet, but they had already caught up to her. A tall half-elven woman and a sturdy dwarf with an impressive beard, both clad in the colors of the Empire, grabbed her arms and pulled her up before she could get back on her feet by herself. Her treasured bottle fell and shattered into a thousand pieces, spilling cherry wine all over the pavement. An angry scream escaped her throat and she began to kick frantically, trying to escape their grasp but she was still dizzy from the fall and they had no trouble dragging her away. A mixture of angry voices and cheering laughter followed her. Someone threw a half eaten apple at her head, earning them a scolding from the half-elf that dragged her. She didn’t mind. People had thrown worse things at her in other places. 

The town only had one guard station, and that guard station only had one holding cell. Judgement was usually passed quickly, and perpetrators charged with heavier crimes than petty theft or drunken bar brawling were transported to the prison in Zadash. Maybe they would just keep her for a couple of days and then kick her out of town, forbidding her from entering it ever again, but she knew that her goblin form was dimming her chances of a lenient sentence.

They dragged her into the building, then down a corridor and through a door which brought them to the cell whicht had brick walls on three sides, and iron bars facing them. Opposite of the iron bars, out of reach from the inhabitants of the cell was a small shelf. They stripped her of her belongings and weapons, placing them there. The prospect of being locked in gave her new energy to fight back and she started kicking and screaming at them again. 

“Fuck you all, I will kill you, I will KILL YOU! Let me GO!” The angry high pitched screeches echoed off the walls, not impressing her captors at all. The half-elf slapped her hard across the face, while the dwarf unlocked the door of the cell. They shoved her in hard, sending her sprawling to the floor, skidding on the dirty straw that covered the ground. “Oh fuck you!” she yelled weakly and then fell silent.

She could hear heavy footsteps fading in the distance, another door slammed shut. And then silence. She got up on all fours and began to inspect her new surroundings. It was a miserable place and it reeked of urine, vomit and rotten straw. 

And she had to share it. Knees drawn to the chest, face in the shadows a figure was pressed into one corner of the room. She noticed bruised human hands and a mob of very unkempt dirty hair. “Oh… hey there.” she murmured awkwardly, feeling a bit embarrassed about her earlier outburst. The figure didn’t move. She shrugged and tried to find a comfortable seating position on the floor. There was a small window high up on the wall, far too high for her to reach it. All she could see from here was a small portion of the sky, and she silently watched it go from blue to orange to purple. Now and then she glanced at the human in the corner, but the figure didn’t move. Maybe she would be able to see some stars tonight. The thought didn’t calm her. Fear was building in her stomach and her hands were still shaking. She felt miserable, not knowing what would happen to her and she hated to be locked up, it brought back dark memories. 

“Sooo….” she said after a while, trying to fight away the silence and the fear. “What did you do to end up in this shithole place?” There was no answer. She shrugged and rested her head on her knees, mirroring the crouched position of the figure in the corner. She was about to doze off when she noticed a movement in the dark of the hallway, outside of their cell. A rat was shuffling over the rough stone floor, looking for food. It looked plumb and juicy. Her mouth watered and her stomach groaned. It had been a while since her last decent meal.  _ Come to me… _ she thought, holding her breath to not scare the animal away.  _ Just a bit further… _ And to her surprise and delight the rat shuffled closer, slipping through the bars of the cell.  _ Lucky bastard _ she thought, wishing she would be small enough to do the same. 

When it was close enough she pounced, grabbing the rat between her clawed hands and holding it up in triumph for a small moment before snapping its small neck with her forefinger and thumb. She turned it around, belly up, and dug into the small body, tearing through the skin with her terrifying set of ragged teeth.  _ I wonder what Yeza would say if he could see me right now… _ She angrily pushed the thought away, lifting her head to carefully chew the big bite she had just ripped out of the dead rodent. Her gaze wandered to the figure in the corner. She held out the rat. Blood dripped into the straw. 

“Do you want some as well? It’s still wa…” her voice trailed off when the man suddenly bent over to the side and started to retch, his stomach too empty to produce anything, but the message was clear. Now that she could see his face she noticed that he had a scruffy beard that matched his hair. He coughed weakly and then sat up straight again, eying her for the first time. “Sorry.” she mumbled, turning away a bit to finish the rest of the rat without upsetting his stomach again. 

“No, it’s fine.” His voice was hoarse and she almost didn’t hear it over the sound of little bones between her teeth. “I prefer my meat cooked, that’s all.” His words were spoken carefully and polite. He had a heavy Zemnian accent. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and turned back around. His eyes were blue. And tired. There was something hard about his unshaven features, and yet he looked so vulnerable, so young. So… scared. Just like her. 

Something shifted beneath his coat and suddenly a cat peaked it’s head up and gave a soft meow, eagerly watching the goblin, whiskers twitching, ears alert. The shadow of a smile showed up on the man's face for a moment, when he noticed how surprised she looked. “That is my cat.” he said. “He is not for eating. He keeps me company. He is very smart.” 

“Hey there…” she said, her mouth watering again. Then she looked at the man again. “They let you keep your cat?” He just shrugged, stroking through the striped fur of his companion. The cat began to purr. 

“Do you have a piece of wire or something?” she patted her empty pockets. “They took my stuff…” He shook his head. “Dammit… If I had a piece of wire I could pick that fucking lock.” she mumbled, shoulders sagging. “Do you have wire in your pack?” he asked, gesturing towards the small shelf. She nodded. 

He looked down and said. “I think I have an idea.” He stared at the cat for a solid minute and the cat stared back. No words were spoken, but finally the feline jumped down from his arms, slipped through the bars and vanished. The man leaned back against the wall and then went strangely still. The blue vanished from his eyes, they clouded over with a white fog. It scared her for a moment, but when nothing else happened she turned her attention towards the cat. She watched curiously as it jumped up on the shelf, digging it’s head into her things and rummaging around for a while. Eventually it jumped down again, slipping back through the bars and trotting towards her human.  _ Lucky bastard _ she thought again. She noticed the man blinking and then squinting and realized that the sun had set completely by now. It was dark in the cell, but her eyes were able to see in the dark. His, apparently, were not. 

The cat nudged his hand and placed something in his palm. She could see him smile in the darkness. “You are the best cat.” he said with affection before holding the object out to her. It was indeed a piece of wire. She jumped up excitedly, wincing as her stiff muscles and bruised limbs protested. She hobbled over to the door and began to work on the lock. 

A few minutes later there was an audible click as the lock opened. She turned over her shoulder to see the man blindly looking in her direction. “It worked!” she exclaimed and he smiled. Then she frowned. “There are still guards out there though, and the only exit is through the front door. They will just catch us again.” her heart sank a little, she had not thought that far before. 

“We will find a way.” he said, sounding more confident now that an escape was in the realm of possibility. “We should get our stuff first.” He stumbled forward through the dark, until his hands found the bars and then helped her to carefully and slowly open the door. The hinges moaned and they both flinched at the sound, but no one came. She slipped out of the cell, gathered their belongings and passed them to him one by one, before rejoining him, feeling reluctant about returning to their shared prison, but the certainty that the door was unlocked calmed her enough. When she handed him his things she noticed he didn’t own any weapons, but they were two books strapped into a leather holster. He shrugged out of his coat for a moment, fastening the leather around his shoulders, the books hanging in his armpits. He looked incredibly relieved.

She put the belt back on that held the sheath of her short sword and dagger, shouldered her satchel and her crossbow, making sure it was intact and ready. 

“I will create a distraction.” he said. “Ready to run?” She nodded, realized he couldn’t see and spoke up instead. “I am.” He nodded. “Don’t get frightened please.” She wanted to ask him what he would do that might scare her, but he had already started. 

He made a delicate gesture with his left hands, weaving invisible patterns through the air around his outstretched right arm. Murmuring in a weird language she didn’t understand while doing so. Then he thrust his arm forward, finishing his incantation and suddenly a stream of flame burst forward, through the bars and into the wall, setting the shelf that had housed their equipment on fire. Her eyes went wide and she instinctively jumped back a couple of feet. He did the same handmotion again, shooting another bolt of fire into the wall at the far and of the hallway, opposite of the door, setting the wooden beams that held the ceiling on fire as well. The cat meowed in protest and he looked down “Bis später mein Freund.” he murmured and snapped his fingers. The cat vanished. He then grabbed the bars, rattling them and shouting at the top of his lungs. “FIRE! FIRE! HELP!” and after a short moment she shook herself out of her stupor, walked over to him, grabbed the bars and joined in screaming for help. It didn’t take long until the door slammed open and one of the guards entered. It was the dwarf. “Oh shit!” he said, staring at the fire dumbfounded for a moment before he turned around. “RONDA! The fucking building is on fire!” 

They began screaming at the dwarf then. Veth didn’t have to play the panic in her voice, she didn’t know if it was the same for the man next to her. “Let us out, LET US OUT!” 

The dwarf hesitated for a moment, but then apparently decided they didn’t deserve burning to death for a simple case of stolen cherry wine and… whatever the human had done. He got out a set of keys to unlock the door. Before he could turn the lock they both threw themselves at the bars, pushing open the door, sending the unprepared dwarf backwards and almost into the inferno. He was about to draw his sword, but Veth had pulled out her crossbow, pointing an arrow at his chest. “Get in there!” she yelled, and the dwarf stumbled into the cell, cursing loudly. The man locked the door and took the keys. Accompanied by the panicked cries of the dwarf they ran out of the corridor into the entrance hall of the building. 

The man looked at the half-elf, who came running towards them. “You should probably help your friend in there before he burns to death.” his heavy accent somehow made the words sound more threatening. He tossed the ring of keys to the woman, who was looking at him with a mixture of anger and shock. She considered for a short moment, her hand on her weapon, cursed and ran past them towards the cell. Goblin and human exchanged a short glance and then bolted. One of the guards had left a bottle of cheap booze on a table and Veth snatched it. Not taking any chances this time she took some big gulps midstrive before corking it and putting it into her satchel. Warmth trickled down her throat and she immediately felt her nerves calm down a bit. She followed the human out into the darkness. They ran until they reached the edge of town. Right after they had left the last light behind them the man collapsed to the ground, shaking and holding his face in his hands. His breathing was rapid and unsteady and she could see beads of sweat on his forehead. The firm confidence he had displayed only minutes ago had left him completely, leaving a nervous mess. Kneeling down next to him she carefully placed her hand on one of his wrists. “Hey there.” she said. “Come on, we have to keep going. It’s okay, we made it.” 

Slowly he let his arms sink down, looking at her with a blank expression, probably barely able to see anything. He was still shaking, his lip quivered. 

“Tell you what.” Veth said, her hand still on his wrist. “It’s okay that you’re scared and… a bit out of it. But it won’t get better if they catch you again. So let’s just keep walking okay? No running for a bit, they will be busy putting out that fire for a while.”

The sky above the town was lit by an orange glow. There was smoke. And distant screaming.

“On your feet boy, off we go.” For a moment she was afraid she’d lost him completely, but he finally obeyed her, coming to his feet and stumbling through the darkness next to her. She was holding his hand, guiding him. 

Her own panic was almost completely gone, partially because of the alcohol but also because it felt good to have someone to take care of, someone who was doing worse than herself. Someone who needed her, if just for tonight. Someone who hadn’t screamed when he saw her, who hadn’t thrown curses or half eaten apples. For the first time in a very long time she did not feel completely alone in the world. 

They walked in silence for a while, keeping away from the road. He was breathing more steadily now and his steps became a bit more certain once he began to trust her to not lead him into a ditch. 

“So… what’s your name?” Veth asked after a long while of walking in silence.” After looking into the distance for a heartbeat he replied. “Caleb. Caleb Widogast.” “Nice to meet you Caleb. I am…” She had thought about this. Officially she was dead. And no one had called her by her real name since… How long had it been? Several months at least. The goblins had just called her  _ Ahk’grott _ , meaning  _ coward _ or more directly translated  _ not brave _ . Veth hid a bitter smile as she said “... Nott. Nott the Brave.” His grip around her hand fastened for a moment. “Nice to meet you Nott the Brave. Let’s get far away from this place, ja?” She smiled, relieved that he found his voice again. 

They spend their first night by the roadside in a small thicket of trees to hide away from prying eyes, huddled together around a small fire Caleb had started. They had managed to get some distance between themselves and the burning prison, but eventually the fatigue became too much to go on. Sunrise was still hours away. The nights were still very cold and Veth could see her breath in the air, the small fire was not able to warm her enough. She offered him the bottle she stole from the guardhouse, but he declined, instead reaching into his own satchel where he kept a waterskin. He downed whatever was left in it and then stored it away again. They sat in silence for a while. Noticing her shaking in the cool air, Caleb eventually opened his coat, a gesture of silent invitation. His back was propped up against a tree and he wasn’t looking at her directly. But the message was clear. After a moment of hesitation Nott came over and nestled up against his chest, and after a snap of his fingers was joined by a purring cat. She could feel something hard under his shirt against his chest, an amulet of sorts. She could also feel his ribs, which told her he was just as starved as her. He was warm and he smelled of sweat and smoke, of damp wool and leather. She could hear his heartbeat. It was surprisingly slow. Or was it just that she had gotten so accustomed to the manic pulse of her hated goblin form she had forgotten what a normal heartbeat sounded like? Too slow or not, the sound gave her something to focus on and she soon fell asleep to the rhythm. 


	2. I cope, smothered in smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having escaped imprisonment Nott the Brave and Caleb Widogast wake up outside of town. Caleb calculates his next steps and remembers his past.

_ Bren dreams. He is young and dancing with his friends. They are celebrating. Today they have been chosen for a special program at the academy, a program that only takes in the most gifted of students. And of all the pupils in the academy, a lot of them the offspring of rich and influential people, only they have made it, three children from simple families, from a remote village nobody has ever heard of. Their parents will be so proud. He can’t wait to tell them. But first the celebration.  _

_ They dance and they hug, full of giddy excitement. Astrid kisses him and Eadwulf on their cheeks when their strong friend hugs and lifts them off the floor both at once. His skin burns under her lips. Her eyes gleam like stars. Eadwulf grins. The lights around them blur when they start spinning in circles, laughing and being completely untroubled. Life is good. Life is excellent. They are on top of the world.  _

_ He goes home with a skip in his step, excited to tell his parents all about it. His mother will smile and kiss him, asking about his studies and his friends, if he is happy, if they feed him well at the academy. His father will smile and give him a hug, holding him tight, telling him how proud he is that his son will serve the Empire. He will show them a magic trick he has learned and they will be excited and delighted. His heart will burst with love and pride. His cat will curl up next to him when he falls asleep in his old bed. His future is bright.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ But when he tries to open the door to his childhood home it is locked. He can hear his mother scream, then his father. They are calling his name, they call for his help. They are in pain, they cannot escape. He hammers at the door, desperate to get inside but suddenly the wood bursts into flame and he stumbles back in shock and horror, crying out in anguish. The flames engulf him, but he feels no pain. Fire is his element, he has learned to conjure it, to control it, to bend it to his will. But he has never learned to put it out again.  _

_ His mother screams and everything turns to ash.  _

_   
_   
When he finally woke up the sun was already high in the sky. He could feel her warm rays on his skin. It was the first day of Dualahei and there was the smell of spring in the air. He could hear birds singing in the trees above him. The air was crisp and clear. The dream was still fresh in his mind, especially the screams of his parents. He could feel that he had cried in his sleep. Silent tears of desperation. 

He blinked a couple of times and then remembered why he was waking up under a tree instead of in the corner of a filthy cell. The fire, running away with… Her. His gaze wandered down. 

The goblin was skill nestled up against him, snoring loudly. She had turned in her sleep and now her back was pressed against his stomach. Frumpkin had curled up on her lap. The cat opened one lazy eye to look up at him, then went back to sleep. He was purring ever so slightly. A green hand was locked in his fur. 

One of Nott’s large pointy ears tickled his chin as she shifted a bit. It was green, like the rest of her skin. She smelled like old liquor and fire, musty fabric and rust. Small as she was it felt like he was holding a child, although he knew that he shouldn't get fooled by that impression. She could obviously handle herself in stressful and dangerous situations.

Half of his body felt numb from sleeping in this awkward position, the other half simply hurt. A dull throbbing pain from several bruises and sore muscles. His arms were itching with the memory of old lacerations. Meticulously he began to recount the events that led him here, remembering everything in vivid detail. 

It had started with a book. As was his habit he had browsed a local antique shop for anything magical and his spell had indeed led him to a leather bound volume that pulsed with a faint magical essence. The price was way too rich for his purse and the store owner wasn’t looking, so he took his chance. He miscalculated in his excitement and when the shop owner called out for him, shortly before he could leave through the front door, the book escaped from his coat and fell to the floor with a loud noise that echoed through the little room ominously. For a moment he just looked at it. Then he bolted. But he had never been a very good runner. 

He didn’t resist when they cornered him in an alleyway, when they dragged him to the prison, took his things and led him into the cell, despite feeling numb from fear for what they might do to him. He also knew that he deserved every punishment they would come up with. Maybe if he suffered enough for his sins he would finally be able to sleep without nightmares. 

And then, hours later, they had pushed a small goblin into his cell and they had escaped together.    


A pity he wouldn't be able to get his hands on that book now. Maybe he could go back to the town at some point, maybe it would still be there. But then… He had set the local prison on fire. Maybe he should just hope for another lucky find in the next store.

_ Caleb Widogast. _ He had given the name without much thinking. Fake names came to him easily, as well as fake stories about who he was or where he came from. Lies and deceptions. Most of his training still stuck with him, even now so many years later. Like the lessons about using and manipulating other people for your own means, especially in foreign places. Persuade, intimidate, blackmail, seduce, whatever is necessary. Let them help you, use their expertise, their skill, their knowledge, make them like you, make them owe you. Discard them if they are no longer useful. Never give away too much about yourself, but learn their secrets. 

The small goblin in his lap was obviously good with locks. Apparently not as good in escaping the Crownsguard, but he didn’t know the details of her imprisonment yet. She caught rats with her bare hands and ate them raw. She had looked at his cat with hunger in her eyes... 

She had also been there when he broke down. She led him through the darkness to a secure resting place. She hadn’t stuck a knife in his gut while he was sleeping. That was all he knew about her, that and her name. Nott the Brave. 

His training had also kicked in when they walked out of the prison last night. Intimidating the guards, raising his voice and threatening the half-elf had come easy to him. He knew that it was useful to drape himself in a mantle of authority in certain situations, openly displaying his sharp mind, his wit and a good dose of ruthlessness to manipulate people until they gave him what he wanted. But he always felt filthy afterwards. When he fell back to his training he tended to remember the associated lesson in vivid detail, no matter how desperately he wanted to forget. 

Remembered how he had been ordered by his teacher, his mentor, to strike fear in people, how to hurt them, how to extract their secrets. How to lie to get out of difficult situations. To shift the blame on someone else. 

How they had stolen from the library in the academy on his order, as a team. One created a distraction, one taking watch and the third one dispelling a magical lock, shoving an old leather tome under their shirt and walking out undetected. It had all been fun and games back then, and the book or the purse or the magical artifact, whatever it was that disappeared in their pockets, was returned later. 

Not in every case though. Once they hid a valuable and forbidden book under the bed of another student, framing him for the theft. They could choose their victim themselves and had picked someone who had bullied them, before they had been selected for the special program, and didn’t feel the least bit bad about it. Taking an act of small revenge while serving their beloved Empire at the same time, it was the right thing to do. No questions asked. 

No questions asked when real traitors to the empire were brought into the tower, and they were ordered to extract information from them… It was all for the good of the Empire after all.

And then…

He shook himself out of the dark string of thoughts that was inevitably heading for a burning building with a blocked door. 

He was a bad person, a selfish person. He would use Nott the Brave for his own means and throw her to the wolves to secure his own survival should it be necessary. She helped him break out of prison. She did not deserve this. 

Maybe if he was careful enough he could get up without waking her. But right when he finished that thought she shifted and looked up at him. The first thing he had noticed about her yesterday had been her eyes. They were yellow and they looked like the eyes of his cat, slit pupil and all. When she got agitated the pupils grew to the size of two black puddles in her green face. Her teeth were a crooked mess, and he still remembered how they looked with bits of bloody rat stuck between them, but he didn’t care. She was alright. She didn’t deserve being exploited by him. He did owe her though, somehow. He could at least see to it that she got to relative safety. That she got something to eat. He could spend another day with her, they could still split up once they reached the next town. Yes. One day wouldn’t hurt.

They walked all day, staying away from the road and didn’t really talk. He noticed her eyeing him from time to time, but if she had questions she didn’t articulate them out loud. Maybe she was scared of him, now in the light of day. After seeing him set fire to a building, threatening to burn a man alive. He wouldn’t blame her to be cautious. 

He refilled his water skin in a small stream in the afternoon. She had emptied the bottle she had stolen, taking small sips of it all day, and he noticed how sad she looked when she filled it with water instead. 

He was even hungrier today, his stomach a twisted knot of pain. Nott tried to shoot a rabbit but missed it, resulting in a string of loud curse words. They encountered no other animals worth hunting that day. Maybe they were avoiding them. Maybe they could smell the smoke and the blood on them. 

They spend the second night in a similar fashion to their first one, next to a small campfire, Nott snuggling with Frumpkin under Caleb’s coat, after he silently invited her to do so. He dreamed again. This night his mind brought him directly into the inferno, skipping any happiness he might have felt before the house burned down. 

The next day, after they walked for hours, Nott managed to shoot a hare and Frumpkin hunted down a squirrel. They started a fire before the sun went down, cooked the meat and then lay there together, bellies uncomfortably full after going without food way too long. Silently watching the sunset and the rise of Catha, the big moon easily outshining the small red dot that was Ruidus.

“I stole a book.” he said after a while, breaking the silence. “Well, tried to steal a book. They caught me.” Nott’s head turned towards him, yellow eyes watching him and reflecting the firelight. “Cherry Wine.” she said. “I wasn’t fast enough.” Then she turned her gaze upwards again to watch the night sky through half closed eyes.

He wasn’t the least bit surprised. It was obvious. Her shaking hands, the stolen bottle, how she clutched it, how desperate she looked when it ran out. It was not his place to judge her. Not his place to judge anyone. It was a simple observation. Nott the Brave needed alcohol to function. Hopefully they would get to the next settlement soon. 

This night Nott didn’t wait for his invitation. She simply crawled over to him, right before he was about to fall asleep, and snuggled up next to him under his coat. He placed an arm around her and shifted a bit to give his cat space to join them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. <3
> 
> The title of that chapter comes from the song "Me and my friends are lonely" by Matt Maeson. The song can be found on the official Caleb Widogast playlist.
> 
> The next chapter will focus on our favorite goblin again.


	3. Truth is, I'm already gone, Old bones live no more, I am free to roam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again, switching the POV back to Nott. This chapter isn’t too dark except for the beginning where the topic will be memories of being drowned, so be warned of that. 
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the song “Hiding and Seeking” from Nott’s official playlist. 

_ She still remembers the color of the sky on the day she died. All blue, with not a single cloud in sight. The sun is warm on her skin. It is a beautiful autumn day, the air is crisp and the trees are decked in all shades from yellow to red, like fire. They rustle in the soft wind. The wind carries the song of the birds.  _

_ She wants to be brave. Face the inevitable with a stern face, without tears. But in the end she still cries and begs and struggles. It’s to no avail, they are stronger than her, she is outnumbered. They push her on her knees, grab her hair, pull her head down towards the surface of the stream. The sun glitters on the polished rocks in the riverbed. It’s pretty and terrifying and it breaks her heart to be surrounded by such beauty in the face of death. Time slows down and she takes it all in, can’t help it. The smell of the wet soil after last night’s rain, the breeze that rustles her hair, the feeling of the grass beneath her bare feet.  _

_ The sharp claws of her captors digging into her skin, the smell of the rotten breath coming out between ragged, needle sharp teeth as they scream at her. The pain of the bruises and the cuts all over her body. The heartbeat that is pulsing in her ears. The tears that stain her face, their salty taste when they reach her lips. Her throat hurts from screaming. This is her end.  _

_ The water is cold as it engulfs her. She holds her breath and trashes wildly, but they are relentless in holding her down. Until her lungs are burning, until she cannot hold the air in them anymore, until it escapes her in an agonizing scream that is swallowed by the river. _

_ She thinks of her husband and of her boy. The last time she saw Yeza was when she helped him escape. It is the bravest thing she has ever done. And even though she will die now, because of it, she would do it again. She loves that man with such passion, the only person she maybe loves more in this world is her son. And she will never see them again. Her husband and the way he adjusts his glasses that are somehow constantly slipping down his nose, the way his face lights up when he talks about a new alchemical technique he wants to try, the way he tucks their son in at night and reads him bed time stories. Luce will grow up without his mother now. But his father will take good care of him, she made sure of that, and that thought makes it all just a bit more bearable.  _

_ She still can’t quite believe that this is how she dies, far from home and from her family, alone and afraid. A last surge of anger wells through her body and she kicks and struggles and screams.  _

_ And then, shortly before everything goes black, there is the shortest moment of peace and acceptance. At least it will be over now, no more suffering, no more tears.  _

_ Veth stops struggling and embraces oblivion.  _

  
  


After the night they spent in the old barn they finally reached the next town. It was already afternoon when they passed the first buildings and the sky was cloudy. It would rain soon, they could feel it in the air. Her feet were sore from walking and she noticed that Caleb was sporting a small limp as well. The last couple of days had been truly exhausting. 

They passed a gnome girl on their way into the town. She was sitting on a blanket, cheap trinkets and toys spread out in front of her. Caleb stopped and kneeled down next to her, taking a closer look at her stock. Nott stayed a few steps behind him, pulling her hood deeper over her face, trying to be as invisible as possible. Caleb spoke with the girl for a little while, then handed her something - it sounded like coins - and got back up, looking around for his companion. He made a gesture indicating her to follow him and continued walking into the city. She caught up with him. “What did you buy from her?” “You’ll see.” he said. “I have enough coin left to get us a room. What do you say, want to sleep in a real bed tonight?”

The thought was exciting. She hadn’t slept in a real bed since the goblins abducted her. After her escape she didn’t dare to try and get a room in an inn, given her new form they would probably kick her out. Instead she slept under trees, under carts, in abandoned alleyways and one time in a cave she found in the woods, which had been terrifying. But with a human at her side…

“I would like that.” she said, surprised at his kindness. She had been certain he would abandon her as soon as they were back in civilization. Maybe he felt as if he still owed her for helping him escape. For shooting that hare. For not killing him in his sleep. It didn’t really matter right now. A real bed...

They found an inn that looked affordable but not too rundown and she kept to the shadows, while Caleb exchanged words and coin with the inkeep, receiving a key in return. She noticed how the sturdy dwarven woman behind the counter gave Caleb a glance that was somewhere between pity and disgust after he had turned around to get Nott. Well, obviously she wasn’t disgusted enough to turn down his money. It still made her angry. 

She followed him upstairs, where he unlocked their room, opened the door and invited her to enter it first. It was small and there only was one bed. “I am sorry I did not have enough coin left to buy us a double room.” he murmured. She turned around and smiled at him. “It’s fine Caleb, this is so much better than anything that… This is perfectly fine okay?” 

He walked over to the window and peaked out onto the street for a moment, before he placed his satchel on the only chair in the room, then sat down next to it. He reached into a pocket in his coat and produced two carved wooden bracelets, held them up against the light for a moment and then placed them in front of him. “Do you want to see some magic?” he asked, sounding shy but also a bit excited and proud. Like a child who has been rejected before but is still eager to show you the pretty seashell they found at the beach. 

She jumped onto the bed and crossed her legs, smiling at him. “Yes please.” she said. He snapped his fingers and his cat joined her, bumping his head into her arm demanding to be petted. He unhooked one of the books from his holster , flipped through it for a moment and then placed it on the ground next to the bracelets. The pages were filled with strange symbols and written in a language she didn’t understand (probably Zemnian). The next twenty minutes she spent silently watching him tracing arcane sigils on the floor around the two bracelets, murmuring under his breath. 

The air began to shimmer and there were small sparks around his fingers. He looked so focused as he was weaving his magic, so calm. Less afraid, more confident. She had already noticed that he tended to scratch at his arms when he was nervous, and there were bandages covering the skin right up to his palms. And he was jumpy, constantly looking over his shoulder when they were on the road. Right now there was none of that. He even smiled when the magic took hold and the two wooden bracelets began to glow and shimmer and turned to silver. 

Her jaw dropped. “It is only temporary” he said before she could make any comments. “It will hold for an hour.”

“Could you make it… permanent?” she asked after gawping a moment longer. He thought about that for a bit, brows furrowed. “Maybe someday, with more knowledge. More books. More…  _ time _ .” There was a weird emphasis on the last word she couldn’t quite place. “Magic can do a lot if you are able to find the right books.”

Her heart was beating faster, she slowly realized whom she had stumbled over in that cell. A wizard, a real actual wizard. All he needed was knowledge and books and then… Hope flickered for a moment, but she didn’t dare give it too much room. They were spending one last night in this town together and then he would leave her. Why would he drag himself down with a stray goblin. 

“Now to the next part.” he said, closing the book. The silver bracelets went into his pocket, the tome went back under his arm. “Care to join me?” She nodded. Caleb scooped up Frumpkin and placed him around his neck. The cat began to purr. Together they left the inn. It wasn’t raining yet, but the wind had picked up and it was only a matter of time. 

On their way to the inn they had passed a pawn shop and that was where the wizard was leading her right now. He ducked behind a building on the other side of the street and handed her his cat. “Wait here, okay? It will only be a couple of minutes.”

He then weaved his fingers in an intricate pattern and the air blurred around them. He was whispering under his breath and then… He was gone. No not gone, replaced. Where Caleb had crouched just a second ago another man had appeared. He had golden blond hair that fell to his shoulders in elegant locks. His clothes were tasteful and clean and he was wearing a pair of spectacles. His ears were pointed slightly. A half-elf. 

“Just an illusion.” he quickly said when her eyes grew wide. Then he stood up, rolled his shoulders once and stepped back out onto the street, out of sight. Nott sat down with her back against the wall, cradling Frumpkin on her lap. He was still purring, rubbing his head against her palms. It felt good, that contact to another living, breathing thing that didn’t judge her for what she was, as long as she scratched his fur. She placed a little kiss on his head. 

It didn’t take too long before Caleb returned. He ducked down next to her, still looking like a blond half-elf, but then suddenly he was himself again, disheveled and dirty. He smiled at her for a moment, got up and started to stride towards the inn. “Come Nott the Brave, tonight we will have a proper meal.” She followed him, Frumpkin right at her heels. Her belly was growling at the thought of food. Right as they stepped through the door into the taproom the rain started to fall.

They sat down at a small table in the darkest, most remote corner they could find. Caleb, who had a purring frumpkin on his lap as soon as he sat down, overturned his purse on the table, spilling out it’s content. Coin by coin he began to count them into neat little piles on the table. _ “Eins, zwei, drei… _ ”

In the end there were two gold, five silver and seven copper pieces on the table. A small fortune. He put most of it back into the purse, which then vanished into the folds of his coat. 

He left her for a moment and used the coin in his hand to pay the inkeep for a proper hot meal, two tankards of beer and even some hard liquor for her. He didn’t ask her if she wanted stronger alcohol, he just put it on the table without commenting or looking at her. She felt grateful for that, if also a bit ashamed. It was apparently pretty easy to figure her out. 

They ate in silence and went to bed early. She had a million questions for the wizard but she did not ask any of them, out of fear that he would start to ask her questions in return. He looked as if he was lost in his own thoughts. Maybe it was better if some things remained unspoken. 

They shared the bed of their little room. He turned his face to the wall, leaving her to curl up against his back with Frumpkin. She fell asleep straight away, feeling warm and fuzzy. 

To her surprise when the morning came, they were all still there. Caleb bought breakfast and suggested they stayed in town for a couple of days to rest. She agreed and so they continued to share the small bed. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t abandoning her. Maybe he was too polite. Maybe he was afraid she would turn on him? She was unsure what to do. Should she take the initiative and leave? 

In one of those early nights she couldn’t resist her curiosity about him any longer and went through his satchel. She learned that Caleb Widogast possessed a diamond that looked as if she could live from selling it for a very long time, and a vial that contained a healing potion, which would also sell for a lot of money. Apart from that there were strange herbs, quills, an ink bottle, some paper… Arcane stuff, not surprising. Nothing to tell her why a well educated, intelligent man was living on the streets, getting thrown into jail for stealing books. 

She could just have taken the diamond and the potion and run. She was seriously pondering the idea but then she looked over at the sleeping man on the bed. The hard lines of his face softened when he slept and he looked young and innocent. He was crying in his sleep. There was no sobbing, no wailing but with her sharp eyes, adjusted to see in the dark, she could see the tears streaming down his face and into the pillow. 

When her little boy had been crying at night she would stroke his hair and hum to him until he calmed down. She would never have left him to cry alone in the darkness. 

Nott carefully replaced his satchel exactly as she found it, and then curled up on the bed right next to his knees. 

She never thought about leaving him again.

  
  
  


They fell into a rhythm. Traveling the country, never staying in one place more than a couple of days. They came up with more elaborate ways to cheat people out of their money, using Caleb’s arcane capabilities and Nott’s nimble hands and talent to hide. They were a good team. 

Seeing how Caleb spent his money Nott realized that he wasn’t starving because he had to, but because he did not pay any attention to the needs of his physical body. His hungry mind was all that counted, books and knowledge were his sustenance. He spent his money on spell components and old leather bound tomes, which he always sold again after he spent a night reading them. He also spent his money on paper and ink, she could never have imagined how expensive paper and ink could be. She quickly began to take charge when it came to their accommodations. She made sure they slept in a decent bed often enough and got enough food into their bellies. She stole a flask and made sure it was always comfortably full of liquor. Caleb saw her sipping from it frequently, even in the morning, and never said a word about it which she was grateful for. 

Weeks went by and spring took hold of Wildemount. The nights grew warmer, so sleeping by the roadside became more comfortable. There was a sense of hope in the air and the wind carried the scent of flowers. Sometimes she looked at Caleb and asked herself how he hadn’t abandoned her yet. He was always polite, always looked out for her, but he didn’t talk much, especially not about himself. The only times he opened up was when he was talking about his magic. It was rather obvious that someone had hurt him pretty bad in his past and that he hadn’t recovered from that. She gave him all the space he needed. 

  
  


They spend the evening of the Harvest’s Rise Festival in a small town in the Zemni fields. The mood was cheerful and merry, nobody was paying attention to the two travelers sitting on a bench just outside the light of the big fire in the middle of the town square. 

She noticed that Caleb was scratching at his arms absentmindedly. It was something he did when he was nervous or anxious and she had learned to be alert when it happened, because he sometimes lost himself so deep in his thoughts he stopped paying attention to his surroundings. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and she followed his gaze. He was watching a young couple, laughing and dancing on the market square around the fire. The girl had flowers braided into her hair and the boy looked at her with the pure and innocent admiration of someone falling in love for the first time in his life. She could still remember that feeling, and apparently so could he. It pained her how sad it made him look. How lost. 

Slowly, not wanting to startle him she reached out for his hand, intertwining her fingers in his. There was a small twitch when she first touched him, but then he put his other hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I am glad that you are by my side, Nott the Brave.” he whispered without looking at her. She smiled. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. I’m sticking with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventures of the wizard and the goblin continue, their bond grows stronger. 
> 
> The title of the chapter refers to the song “I’m Sticking with You” by The Velvet Underground

Odovacar Diefenbach, usually just called “Odo” by everyone who knew him, had just set up camp for the night when the stranger approached him. 

The evening was drawing to a close. The sun was nearing the horizon and Catha was already high in the sky. Odo was in a good mood. He had been able to sell most of his stock of honey, mead and beeswax candles on the market, earning him a fine sum. He got some supplies from the money he earned and was now roasting sausages, tomatoes and bacon in a pan above a fire he started next to the cart. It was raining so he had put up the canvas he kept in the cart for situations like that. It was affixed to two poles, shielding him from the elements. As much as he loved his wife and the four children she had gifted him, he enjoyed those quiet nights on the road which allowed him to just sit in peace and silence under the moons and stars. Taking a break from all the noise at home. 

Then the stranger showed up suddenly, standing a couple of feet away, wet from the rain, hands outstretched to indicate that he was not bearing any ill intent. He regarded him for a moment, his disheveled clothes, his lean frame, the absence of any visible weapons, the cat on his shoulder peeking out from underneath his soaked hood. He looked harmless enough.

“Would you allow me to sit at your fire? I won’t cause any trouble.” his voice was polite, he looked tired. “I wasn’t able to start a fire myself in this rain, and I’d like to warm up a bit.” 

“Sure.” Odo replied, shuffling over to make space for his guest. 

“Thank you.” the man sat down next to him. The cat jumped from his shoulder into his lap. 

“The name’s Odo” he said, stretching out his hand. The stranger took it. “I’m Bruno.” he said, shaking his hand. “Thank you for your hospitality. I underestimated the distance and it would have been a very miserable night out in the rain.” 

“No problem. Do you want to share my meal? I have enough for two and you look like you can use something to fill your belly.” Odo used his knife to turn the sausages in the pan, they sizzled and began to spread a mouth watering scent. “Old Lorraine made these, after a secret family recipe. You’ll not find any better in all of the Empire.”

“That is very friendly of you Odo and I gladly accept that offer.” And so Odo ducked into his cart for a moment, getting out a second plate, and divided the food equally between them. He also got out a bottle of mead, and the stranger gladly accepted sharing that as well. “This is the best mead I ever tasted.” he said and Odo felt proud. 

For a while they sat in silence, eating their meal and listening to the rain hammering onto the waxed canvas above them. The stranger stroked the purring cat in his lab. Once his plate was empty and his belly full Odo was sitting with his back against one of the large cart wheels, contentedly dozing off when Bruno suddenly grabbed his shoulder, shaking him awake, pointing past the fire. Shaking his head to get the drowsiness out of his head he looked in the direction Bruno showed him. 

A Goblin was standing there, a crossbow at the ready pointing at them. “Get up and run away!” it screamed, displaying a terrifying array of ragged sharp teeth. “Or I kill you!” The goblins' eyes were big and yellow and scary in the dying light of the fire. 

Odo looked over to the stranger, hoping for help, but Bruno looked as helpless as he felt, slowly raising his hands. “Please.” his voice was shaking. “I’m sure we can find a peaceful solution to this. If you could just….” but the Goblin wouldn’t have any of it. The crossbow made a rattling sound and something buzzed through the air towards them. 

Bruno toppled over next to him with a yelp, crossbow bolt sticking out of his chest. He stopped moving immediately and Odo looked at his lifeless form in horror. 

“Run for your life!” the Goblin’s voice was shrill and menacing as it put another bolt into the crossbow, pointing it again. “Or I kill you too!” Odo didn’t need a second invitation. He scrambled to get to his feet, turned around and began to run, down the street and into the darkness. A crossbow bolt flew past his ear, and he ran even faster. Ran and ran, until the faint glow of the fire disappeared behind him. 

##  **********

Caleb groaned and got up on one elbow, tugging at the crossbow bolt stuck in the book under his arm. After a bit of wiggling he managed to get it out. 

Nott had already jumped up on the wagon, rifling through Odo’s belongings. He walked over to her. “Find anything useful?” he asked. “Catch!” Nott called back and something hard hit him in the shoulder, falling to the ground with a rattling sound.

"Ouch!” “Sorry Caleb, I forgot you can’t see in the dark.” 

She jumped down from the cart, holding a bottle of mead in each hand. He bent down to pick the item up. It was a small locked box and it sounded like it contained a lot of coins. 

“Excellent.” he murmured. “Let’s get out of here before he comes back.”   
  
Nott took him by the hand and led him away from the road into the dark countryside, back to their camp. 

“That was very convincing by the way, you’re getting really good at this.” She giggled and squeezed his hand.

**********

  
  


Sometimes he caught himself being surprised when he realized how long they already traveled as a pair. Spring turned into summer and from time to time it felt as if they had always been together. The goblin had gotten really attached to him and he felt a great deal of affection for her as well. Sometimes it made him uneasy. He wasn’t a good person and he was probably still being hunted. The amulet he stole gave him a certain amount of protection, but should they one day manage to catch up to him Nott would go down as well, and he didn’t want that responsibility. They had become a pretty good team when it came to tricking people out of their money, but still...

Maybe he should just leave. She was a smart woman, she would be able to take care of herself, maybe find someone who was better equipped to take care of her. 

But every time he seriously pondered slipping away in the early hours of the morning he looked over at her sleeping curled around his cat, or worse, having her sleep pressed up to him, snoring happily, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.  _ Just one more night.  _ He kept telling himself.  _ Just one more night, and then I’m gone. _

The right moment never came.

  
  


**********

They frequently ran into trouble regarding Nott’s appearance, and the fact that he was looking disheveled and dirty didn’t really help clear her reputation. Nott hid her features as well as she could under her hood, but she still got identified as a goblin on a regular basis, and often that led to them getting kicked out of places or even towns.

One day they passed a store that sold porcelain dolls and stopped in front of the shop window in unison. “I think I have an idea.” Nott piped up and Caleb nodded. “Me too.” 

They spend the evening carefully dissecting the doll, filing down the edges of the lower part of the porcelain face until it was smooth. Finally Nott put it on, looking at Caleb. “Well, it’s a bit disturbing from up close.” he admitted. “But from a bit farther away, with your hood down, it might work.”

They ran into less trouble after that. 

But they were not able to avoid completely. 

**********

  
  


They had agreed to meet outside the inn directly after sundown, but Nott hadn’t shown up and Caleb began to worry. After a couple of minutes he decided to search for her and started to wander the streets, keeping an eye out for his goblin companion. 

It didn’t take him long to find her, it wasn’t hard given the commotion that surrounded her. 

“That little beast bit me!” a big and bulky man exclaimed, outraged. His arm was outstretched and he held Nott by the throat, her feet dangling above the ground. 

Caleb quickly assessed the situation, ducked in an alleyway and gave himself the appearance of a crownsguard. With big and confident steps he pushed through the small crowd towards the man who was about to choke his friend. 

“I’ll take it from here.” he exclaimed with all the authority he could muster. “Put her down.” After a frowned look in his direction the man lowered his arm so that Nott’s feet touched ground, but didn’t let go of her neck. She took a rattling breath, looking panic-fueled and ready to faint. 

He grabbed her by the arm. “The authorities will take over from here and make sure that justice is served. You are welcome to come into the station in the morning to file charges and demand recompensation. We will make sure to punish this creature with all the severity of the law. I will personally make sure of that.” He spat to the ground next to Nott with a disgusted expression. 

The big man seemed satisfied. “Thank you sir. I will come to the station first thing in the morning.” 

When the spectacle was over the crowd dissipated. 

Nott tried to get away in this moment so he hissed “it’s me you fool, play along”. She calmed down and together they made their way through the narrow streets 

Once they reached an empty alleyway Caleb let go of her arm and knelt down in front of her. “Are you alright?” he asked. “Did he hurt you?” “No, it’s fine.” her voice sounded more hoarse than usual, undermining the honesty of her statement. “It’s fine.” he said. “I’ll get you out of here.”

“Oh shit.” she hissed suddenly. “Behind you. Hit me.” she whispered and after a moment of hesitation he got up from his crouching position, grabbed her shoulder and swung his fist towards her face. It wasn’t a very hard hit, he wasn’t used to punching people, but Nott gave a very convincing shriek, struggling against him without getting free.

He looked over his shoulder and saw an elderly couple watching them with curiousity. Nott used that moment to bite him, without much force of course but he could still feel her needlesharp teeth superficially piercing his skin. 

“Stop fighting you filthy beast!” he yelled, hitting her again, this time landing a better hit. She sagged a little and he hoped it was just an act. 

He could hear the man give nasty and satisfying laugh behind them. “That serves you right you fucking monster.” 

“Keep walking.” Caleb yelled over to them. “This is not the circus.” He began to drag Nott in the opposite direction, away, just away. 

They left town right away, walking cross-country until they found a small forest shortly before sundown, and set up camp there. 

After he dropped his disguise and they were far away he noticed he didn’t feel as filthy as usual after slipping into his scourger habits and it took him a moment to realize why. Because he hadn’t done it for himself but for her. To protect someone he cared for, to do good. He would have to think about that for a while. 

It was a warm summer night and when it got darker fireflies were starting to glow in the underbrush. “Caleb look!” Nott said excitedly, pointing. He smiled. “They are very pretty.” he said and for a while they just watched in silence. 

“I’m sorry I hit you.” he mumbled eventually. “I hope I didn’t hurt you.” “No it’s fine, don’t worry about it. Thank you for helping me out.”

Another couple of minutes passed in silence, the only sound coming from the crackling of the fire and the forest around them. Somewhere an owl hooted. The fireflies grew brighter as the sun set for good. 

“So Nott the Brave.” he asked, carefully keeping any accusatory tone out of his voice. “How did you get in trouble with that charming gentleman in the first place.”

She looked down at her hand. “I am so sorry Caleb… I sometimes get this itch and I can’t help myself. I promise I will be more careful in the future.”

“Itch?” he asked. “I don’t quite follow.”

“When I see pretty things, shiny things… I just want them. And sometimes I can’t help it and just take them.”

“Oh Nott…” he sighed. “I won’t judge you for that. Just… just don’t try anything without me okay? If I hadn’t found you in time…”   
  
“I know, I’m sorry Caleb.” 

He opened his arms, a silent invitation, and she scrambled onto his lap, hugging him around the waist, nestling in. He lightly rested his chin on her head, feeling a sense of astonishment. How did he come to cradle a goblin girl on his lap, enjoying her warmth and her company. He had been alone for so long that solitude had become second nature to him, something he took comfort in. But now suddenly, the thought of being seperated from her, alone on the road again made him anxious. The thought of losing her to some bulky man who choked the life out of her was agony. He would not let that happen. He would keep her safe. 

Nott began to speak against his chest. “You know it is really impressive how you just change your appearance. And how you create fire out of the air. And all of that, all of your magic, really.”

He smiled a bit. “Thank you Nott, but it’s not as special. It’s very basic magic.”

“Could you… Could you teach me how to do it?”

This caught him off guard and he did not reply right away. Nott kept talking through his awkward silence “I mean… I don’t want to… It’s okay if you don’t… I just thought….” she trailed off, looking away with an embarrassed expression. 

“Hey.” he said, lifting her chin up with his hand, looking into her yellow eyes. “It’s okay. I just… I never taught magic to anyone before and I’m not sure I know how. But I would like to try.”

Her face lit up at that. “Really?” 

“Really.” 

  
  



	5. Hold still and listen, your hand on my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teaching magic and fighting gnolls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter is from the song “The River, The Woods” by Astronautalis

He stayed true to his word and began to teach her magic the next day. The first lesson was simple, a short sequence of movements with her fingers that was meant to harness enough magical energy to create a small burst, a spark. Not a real spell, just a little trick, a visual effect. A place to start. 

“Don’t cramp your fingers like that, you want your wrists to be flexible and your movements fluent. See, like this.”

He moved his fingers in an intricate pattern and a small flash of electric amber energy sparked between them for a moment. 

“The right movements are essential for most spells.” he explained, as if he hadn’t told her that plenty of times before. “It’s not just about physical components and words, it’s in the way you hold your body and move it, connecting to the flow of the arcane around you. It’s like a dance. First we learn the basic steps. Everything else is adornment.” 

He moved over, sat down next to her on the ground. “Here let me guide you.” he softly placed his hands over hers and moved them through the air. “Like this, see? Fluent, flexible, steady. The pattern I drew for you, you have to memorize it, then simply draw it into the air without stopping. And when you feel a prickle in your fingers you simply let go.” She looked down on the small piece of paper in her lap again, the line of ink reminding her of the patterns the children in Felderwin left on the frozen lake in the winter when they went ice skating. Spirals and loops and circles. She tried to brand the picture into her mind, then looked up again. He guided her fingers one last time before leaning back, watching her. 

“Now try again.” he snapped his fingers and Frumpkin appeared in his lap. He began to stroke the cat, his eyes still on Nott. 

She tried again, weaving her fingers through the air like she was searching for something on the bottom of a muddy pond, trying to follow the pattern in her mind. She felt a bit silly because the trickling feeling he described to her never came. Maybe he was just making fun of her. After a couple of tries she crossed her arms, looking at him accusingly. 

“Don’t fret about it. It took me weeks to learn this, but I promise you it gets easier after you manage it. Once you learn to tap into the energy around you, it will become second nature. You will pluck magic out of the air like plucking apples from a tree.”

Her lips twisted into a small pout. “It looks so easy when you do it.” That made him chuckle. “It will look easy when you do it too one day. For now let’s move on to something else. Theory is just as...”

“... important as practice, I know.” she rolled her eyes at him, but then grinned and reached into her backpack. 

She had gotten her own little notebook and carefully wrote down what he taught her, about the different schools of magic, about general arcane theory, about spell components and the basic somatic gestures she was so desperately trying to master. 

She had quickly learned to distill the important bits and pieces out of his lengthy musings about his passion. It would never appear to her to ask him to get to the point, watching his eyes light up when he talked about magic made her too happy to be annoyed by hearing the same thing a second or third time. The way small wrinkles appeared around his eyes and he sat up straighter, all the weight he carried momentarily lifted at least a little. It was like the around him shadow was vanishing in these moments and she cherished them. 

Frustratingly the magic still wouldn’t come to her, even after weeks of study, but he kept encouraging her, telling her vague little stories about how he messed up when he first started to learn. He never told her where he learned or who taught him, but the fact that he opened up enough to tell her these bits and pieces about his past at all was enough. She treasured their lessons and kept practicing. If not for her, then for him and the light in his eyes.

**********

As the weeks passed she began to think about her husband and her son on a regular basis. For a while, after she died, she had pushed the thoughts aside and drowned them in alcohol, telling herself that although she was still running around, the woman she was once was dead, making her husband a widower. She could never go back to him, so the best thing she could do was to numb her grief and move on. 

But eventually it became harder to drown the memories in alcohol, they kept creeping back in the small hours of the morning, when she wasn’t able to go back to sleep. She missed her family so much...

And then there was Caleb. Poor, lost and troubled Caleb who could do incredible magic seemingly without effort, but forgot to eat on a regular basis and shrunk away into himself when he got overwhelmed by the people around him. Who would eagerly talk to his cat when he thought no one was looking, but had trouble talking to people. Who sometimes had outbursts of overwhelming confidence, captivating and charming everyone around him, only to collapse against a wall to hyperventilate as soon as he was alone. 

Caleb who might be able to help her. Caleb who was teaching her magic. She felt a fierce need to protect him, to preserve his abilities. It would be such a waste if he died on the road someday. He deserved better. 

Her affection for him grew every day. The thought of ever leaving him felt absurd now. Sometimes it scared her how much she cared for him, given that she felt not equipped enough to protect him and that she still was a goblin. It was only a matter of time until something happened and he would leave her, that was a thought she couldn’t shake. Although she sometimes thought she saw the same affection she held for him in his eyes, reflected back at her. Just wishful thinking, it had to be. She was still a monster.

She was watching him above their little fire one night, thinking about the man he must have been once, before whatever happened to him turned him into that shadow of himself. He didn’t take very good care of himself, but under the scruffy beard and the unkempt hair, the dirt on his face, there were sharp handsome features and eyes the color of a summer sky. They were haunted these eyes, and she found herself wondering about what was going on behind them, what made him so sad and so scared.

He still cried in his sleep on a regular basis, and all she could do was hold him. They never stopped sleeping huddled together, either under his cloak or a threadbare blanket when they rented the cheapest room in an inn. Sometimes she wondered if this was somehow wrong, given that the only person she ever shared a bed with before has been her husband. 

But back then she had been a halfling, and now that body wasn’t hers anymore. She was a goblin and Yeza would probably run away screaming should she show up at his doorstep. 

Sometimes she dreamed of him, of their first kiss, their wedding, their little home. How he would sometimes read to her in bed before they went to sleep, how they would make love… 

But when she woke up her skin was still green and the man next to her was human. 

She tried to break out of the thought spiral in her head by practicing the movement’s he had told her, but her mind kept wandering and she didn’t really focus on what she was doing. Instead she imagined going back home one day, in her old body, in her right body, the look on Yeza’s face, how he would take her into his arms...

Caleb looked at her over the fire, smiling.  _ “Gut gemacht!”  _ he exclaimed with excitement in his voice. She looked at him, puzzled. “What?” “You did it! You just created a spark. Didn’t you notice?” he chuckled. “Go on, try again.” 

She took a deep breath, tried the pattern again. Yellow light sprang forth between her fingers, jumping from one hand to the other before it vanished again. 

“See.” he said. “I told you it would work eventually.” 

She grinned and jumped over the fire, tackling him to the ground with her enthusiastic hug. “I’m proud of you.” he said laughing after he regained his breath. “Nott the Brave.” 

**********   
  


They were on their way to Alfield when violence struck out of nowhere. They had managed to avoid aggressive encounters for the most part, squirming their way out of threatening situations with wit, guile and Caleb’s magic. 

But this time it happened way too fast and there was no time to run or to bargain. One moment they were peacefully walking through a wheat field, Caleb chatting away about transmutation theory, the next moment two dark figures jumped out of the crop and ambushed them. Nott managed to duck out of the way, but Caleb wasn’t so lucky and got pushed off his feet. The creatures that attacked them were hideous, humanoid in shape but with heads like hyenas, growling and snarling, displaying terrifying teeth. Caleb groaned with the effort to keep these teeth away from his face, placing both hands on the monster’s face, muttering arcane words between his groans until fire sprang from his hands and burrowed its way into the canine skull, sending the creature stumbling away from him with a horrible howl. He scrambled to his feet, trying to get distance between him and the attackers. 

Meanwhile Nott quickly loaded her crossbow and sent a bolt straight into the creature that tried to jump her, making it howl in pain and topple over, clutching at it’s chest. 

“Caleb are you alright?” she yelled, but he didn’t respond. He just stood there, staring at the creature at the ground twisting in pain while fire ate away at it’s head. The air was suddenly filled with the smell of burned hair and flesh. 

There was a movement next to him. “Caleb watch out!” she jumped forward, but it was too late. 

A third creature suddenly jumped from its hiding place in the tall grass, crashing into her wizard, sinking its teeth into his neck. 

Nott screamed and cocked another bolt, sending it flying into the creature’s temple dropping it instantly. In falling it buried an equally unmoving wizard underneath it. 

“Caleb!” she screamed, running over to his lifeless form in the grass. It took some effort to push the dead creature off of him, but fear and rage gave her strength. She was howling with anger and fear. Once the creature did not crush him beneath its weight anymore she kneeled down and shook him, calling his name, but he didn’t move. His eyes were closed. There was too much blood on his neck and on his coat and in the grass around him and it just kept flowing out of him, her hands not standing a chance to stop the flow. 

Sobbing she began to ruffle through his satchel, finding the healing potion, uncorking it carefully and pouring the complete content into his mouth, feeling tears running down her face as she called his name over and over and over again.

“Caleb… Caleb… please wake up, Caleb…” 

Eventually the bleeding stopped but she wasn’t sure if it was because of the healing potion, or because there simply was no blood left to drain out of him. His eyes were still closed and he wasn’t moving. 

She brought his face over his, softly kissing his forehead. “Come back to me Caleb, come back, please. I love you, I need you, you can’t be dead. Wake up.” 

The next couple of seconds were some of the longest of her life. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. <3 Kudos and comments always cheer me up. Feel free to let me know if there are particular scenes from their early days I might explore, inspiration is always welcome.
> 
> I’m also always happy to chat about all things CR, find me on twitter or tumblr as @PryingBlackbird


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